Gig #59 – The one where I tried to start incest in the audience.

So Sam, how was the gig tonight?

Well, to be honest both strange and good.

Strange and good? Come on, don’t be coy, tell all.

Okay, so I did the storytelling set tonight.

The one that’s artistically very clever but ultimately a bit of a lazy cop out?

Yeah that one. Anyway, so I did the first section that went pretty well.

Getting a bit arrogant aren’t you?

What?

Arrogant. Went pretty well.

It did.

Did anyone laugh?

****** SILENCE ******

Go on…

So it was going, okay, that’s it, okay. When I got to the part of the set.

The artistically clever yet lazy and should probably be classed as shit theatre set?

Yes that’s the one. I got to the part where I select a boy and a girl from the audience and help them fall in love.

Classic.

Thanks.

Sorry, I meant classically shit.

Fuck you split personality.

So what happened? They were brother and sister?

How did you know?

I’m you knobhead, i know what you know.

True. So yeah, turns out they were Brother and Sister and I was trying to make the audience peer pressure them into kissing and, well, it got awkward, but still funny.

Really?

****** SILENCE ******

So yeah, that was my evening. Oh and a guy from another club I’m pretty sure went for the longest piss in the world and missed my set apart from the eerie silence at the start and the moment when Adam mentioned that I’d tried to make a Brother and sister kiss.

Were you any good?

Well, I ranked my performance as 3/5.

So no.

The gig was lovely though. Adam Rowe forgot that when we did that Oldham gig, after the gig four attractive girls started chatting him up while I got chatting to two blokes who offered to buy me a pint of Boddingtons. They had beards.

Which gig?

Brennan Reece’s gig.

But no blow jobs from them right? I mean that bit’s a joke.

Yep…

Oh…

Yeah… So anyway, overall it was a nice but slightly weird gig.

You’re a prick.

I hate you.

The world hates you.

Fuck you.

Why don’t you write some proper stand up instead of glorifying the ability to read coherently out loud.

Because success and popularity aren’t everything.

How many people will stick with this blog post to the end do you think?

No idea, to be honest it’s less funny than I thought it was going to be, I might have to work this all into material.

Shall we end there.

Yeah.

Night.

Night.

******* THE END ******